Snow! Oh the Fun that can be Had…

I’m not going to lie, and tell you I love snow. I am not going to lie, and tell you that I like playing in the snow with my kid. 

As a matter of fact, I am going to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, about snow.

Snow sucks. 

My child, on the other hand, loves it. Why? I have no clue. 

And WTF is up with snowballs? Who thought it would be fun, to be hit with a freezing cold, ball of ice? Not me! When I see someone bend over, and pick up snow, I start running, like a bomb is about to go off. Why? Because I HATE snow! I hate when it gets on me. That shit is cold, and I don’t like to be wet and cold. F that! 

My child: MOMMY! Come out and play in the snow with me!

Me: NO!! Not going to happen! Here, lets get you in 25 layers of clothes, a snow suit, gloves with gloves over them, 2 hats, and a heating pad. 

My child: What? Mommy! I can’t even MOVE like this!

Me: All the more reason for you to just stay inside. 

Mom Win! 

Actually, I let her play outside, because I have a glass door, and can see her through it. I sit in a camping chair, inside, with a blanket, watching her through the front door. Every now and then, I will get up, open the door, just enough to slide a camera through, and take a picture of her. 

When my husband and my daughter hear that it is supposed to snow a bunch, they get excited, and start talking about building a snowman. When I hear that snow is in the forecast, I start thinking about how much trouble I will be in, if I call off of work. You mean, the hospital WON’T close when there is a ton of snow on the ground? Why not?!

Here are a few reasons I hate snow, besides the fact that it is wet and cold.

1. You have to scrape the ice off of your car, after brushing all the snow off. And, by the time you are finished, you are sopping wet, and frozen. And that just pisses me off. I need a snow vacuum. Do they make those? 

2. Kids think it is funny to throw snowballs, especially at adults. Guess who gets targeted? ME! And, it never fails. It will land on any exposed skin, no matter how tiny the area. The worst place is on the neck. UGH!

3. People drive like maniacs in the snow. I see you have a big ass Jeep, and I see that you are riding my ass. Sorry, I’m not speeding up, because I know how MY little Toyota Corolla slides when I get over 30mph. Oh, and forget stopping at stop signs. My car just slides right through them. It doesn’t matter what kind of tires I have, either. My car is just too light. So, I suggest you take your big ass vehicle, and go the F around me. I’ll wave when I see you in the ditch, up ahead.

4. Not only is snow wet, and cold, that shit is sticky! You can’t get it off of your clothes by brushing it off. Nope. You have to wait for it to melt, then you are wet, and have to wait for it to dry! F that. I’ll stay inside.

5. Sledding! WTF? I didn’t even like to sled when I was a kid. Maybe one time down the hill, and that was it. Once I had to climb back up the hill, dragging my badass sled behind me, I was done. Too much work. And you know, everyone who goes sledding is ALWAYS sniffling the next few days. Who needs that? Gross.

Speaking of sledding, my kiddo wanted to sled today, so I sent her out, to the front yard, and handed her a trash bag. She was having a blast. Then, our AWESOME neighbor (no sarcasm at all! He is super awesome), brought a sled out of his house, and gave it to my daughter, so she could sled in the front yard. Like, for real! She had a blast for about an hour. But, then, she started getting tired, and started begging me to come outside and “push her” on the sled… Uh, no. Time to come inside. hehe

 

So, if you think it is fun to play in the snow, have at it. I will not be joining you. Unless I’m drunk. And I don’t drink, so, good luck with that. 😉

btw, 2 days until Christmas. 

So….

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas. Happy Holllllllidayyys! (sing that like N’sync)