Christmas Shopping, and many things Christmas

Christmas shopping, is meant to be done throughout the year, rather than all bunched up, in a two week time period.

Well. That’s how WE plan it, anyway. Is that ever how it works out?

Not a chance. We talk, every year, on December 26th, about how we are going to start Christmas shopping in January, because shopping in December is absolutely ridiculous. O_o.

This year. I made baskets for the 3 moms in our lives. They turned out super pretty.

These turned out so much cuter than expected!

Megan shopped for her whole family, at the dollar store. It’s always busy, there, and the aisles are all so small! Ugh!

All presents, wrapped in tinkerbell paper are from her, plus 4 in blue paper.

That’s a lot of family! Wowza!

I never shop on black Friday, but, this year, I was close to heading out to a Wal-Mart near me, for this lovely blender. It was only $35! Although I didn’t go out on thanksgiving, to shop, I still got one of these! My aunt and cousin always go shopping at the black Friday sales. Lucky me! They picked one up for me!

Ninja, baby! Now, I need some fruit, yogurt, Ice, and spinach. Yum!

Our elf has gotten in to quite a bit of trouble, making donuts, drinking all of the root beer, and wasting our post it notes.

Donuts, for me? How sweet!

What beautiful at work, Erick!

You didn’t leave any for me? Greedy, Erick!

Tsk task, Elf Boy. Tsk tsk!

We have decorated our entire Living room, with Christmas decor. It’s like Hobby Lobby exploded in our living room. (50% off of all holiday items!)

Sports on tv. I should have put the Grinch on instead.

I can’t NOT show you our pretty tree.

And this beauty. I want this in sweater form. Ugly sweater party, here I come!

This wall art is 3d. Like, it pops out. There is even tulle on it! Amazing. And it’s huge. Probably about 3ft by 1.5ft, or so.

It is so much fun to decorate. The outside of our house isn’t fun at all. We have blue “icicles” lights, and a small blow up Christmas Fox. I want to wrap the trunks of our trees with lights, because I’ve always thought that looks cool. I really want light up yard decorations, because I’m weird like that.

I love driving around, and seeing all of the lights and decorations. It’s all so pretty. I took Meg to Candy Cane Lane, this year. She doesn’t remember going before. Candy Cane Lane is a CulDeSac of amazing proportion! At the “end” of the culdesac, there is a GIANT tree, and it is decorated, and lit, every year. This year marks their 50th anniversary, doing this. There are, literally, giant candy canes at the entrance, and every yard is decorated beautifully. I’ll have to head out, one night, and take photos, and do a whole thing on just that street. I feel like everyone should see it!

Well, it’s time for dinner, so I’ll end here, today. I’m going to head out to Candy Cane Lane, tomorrow night.

Kids vs Parents.

When Punky asks: Mommy, I know how babies are born, but, how do they GET there??

 

When she helps cook:

 

 

Her reaction when she is asked to clean her room:

My reaction to that:

 

When she finds out she has chores:

 

 

 

Get ready, we are going to the park (beach, lake, pool, etc)

 

 

As soon as we walk into a store, and she says, “I have to pee!”

 

 

At the grocery store:

Her:

Me:

 

Her trying on shoes:

 

My reaction to this mess:

 

For all you Mommas out there:

 

 

Sh*t My Kid Likes

Okay, so. I have come to a realization that my daughter likes and wants some very strange things. Some things, I understand, but some things I just don’t get.

So, here goes. A list of shit my kid likes.

1. Katy Perry. Now, I LIKE Katy Perry. My daughter LOVES her. (bordering obsessive)

 

2. American Girl Dolls. When I was a child, I didn’t even know these things existed. I was all “KID SISTER, AND MEEEEEEEE!” My child has 4 American girl dolls, now. My husband and I have bought her 2, she bought one with birthday money, and she found one, in perfect condition, at the Thrift store for $1.99. YES! ONE DOLLAR, AND NINETY NINE CENTS! WHAAAAAT???? She even asked the cashier at the store if it was priced incorrectly. What a find!

 

3. Furby Boom. All I have to say is, “WTF are these things????” When I was a teenager, my friend had a kid, and her kid would get the McDonald’s furbys and some would vibrate, and she would put them down her diaper.

4. One Direction. Okay. These kids are pretty aborable. Wait, they AREN’T kids?! They are all 18 or older? My 9 year old’s favorite is the BAD BOY one? KillMeNOW!

5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. These are the only books she will read, happily. She has read the latest one 6 times. SIX TIMES! What is so awesome about these books??? I tried to get her to read Dork Diaries, but no. She says those are stupid. ??????

And last, but NOT least…

6. The mother f*cking RAINBOW LOOM! Who came up with this? And, to the person who came up with this, do you realize that my house, and both cars have rubber bands all over the inside?? I have found rubber bands in my back yard, rubber bands in my garage, in our cars, the couch. They are EVERYWHERE! Oh, and my kid doesn’t even OWN  a rainbow loom. She borrowed it from a friend, for ONE night! Can you imagine what my home/car/yard would look like, if she owned one?!

 

That’s all for today, kids.

Happy Easter

My Kid’s New Favorite Shows, And What I Think She’ll Be When She Grows Up.

I remember the simpler times, when she would watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Sprout TV.

Not anymore.

It’s always Mystery Diagnosis, or D.C. Cupcakes. I have decided that I am ok with these 2 shows.

Maybe she will be a doctor, or a master cupcake baker when she grows up.

She is also obsessed with watching “how-to” videos on YouTube. Who knows, maybe she will be a “Jane-of-all-trades” when she grows up?

Again, I am ok with her watching most of these videos. She will probably be able to do more things for herself, which I encourage, 100%.

She also LOVES the DIY channel. She has “Renovation Realities” recording on our Genie. She Watche bit, religiously.

Another of her favorites is Rehab Addict, which I LOVE, because it is a woman who rehabs these homes. It proves to my 9 year old daughter, that women are just as good (if not better than) men. 😉

I love that she loves these shows, because, it’s better than her watching pointless Disney or nickelodeon shows, that are drama filled, and at times, pretty inappropriate. (Did you know that they play the Degrassi previews, during the little kids shows?? People making out, and talking about sex, right smack in the middle of cartoon time!)

Ok, so, some shows she can find on Netflix, some are recorded on our genie, and my least favorite thing to watch, but one of my favorite shows, (Mystery Diagnosis), is on YouTube. I HATE watching crap on YouTube, unless it’s a little, 5 minute MAX, video.

I was just thinking, Wow, my little girl is really growing up, then, she starts watching this old HBO show, called Kindergarten.

I don’t think my child will be a doctor, or a nurse, or anything like that. Nope.

She is going to be a teacher when she grows up.

It is so obvious. She LOVES kids that are smaller than she is. I am impressed with how good she is with smaller children.

I was told that she makes the little ones feel like they are BIG KIDS! I was one proud Momma when another mother complimented her, on how well spoken she was.

She was also complimented on how well she asks questions, and speaks, to adults, without being afraid. Another proud momma moment. We have always told her that adults are there to help, if she ever needs it.

I am so happy that she is a kid, that actually takes mom and dad’s advice.

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Now, as long as she can keep it up, through her teen years. And her college years. And her adult years. And when she is middle age. And when she is old. And when she is really old.

Hell, she just needs to stay exactly the way she is, forever.

Proud Mommy, out.

47 hours without Facebook.

I did it! No Facebook for 47 hours! 

Now. I scrolled through Facebook, and want to share with you, what I missed. Why was I so obsessed, always checking to see if something was new? 

So, here goes.

1. My brother-in-law is sick, or sick of stuff. 

2. One of my friend’s dogs have really bad gas.

     >Ew. I’m sorry. My dog is always gassy. 

3. Tons of pictures of friends’ kids, and snow, and 5 day forecasts!

    >The kids are adorable, as always. It snowed? And         50s are in the forecast!! Woot!

4. A friend won a Daddy/Daughter dance-off.

   >Was this a legit dance-off, or just dancing in the            house? I’m so confused.

5. Tyrese Gibson posted a photo of Paul Walker, *Drool*, because he just got his travel dates to finish Fast 7. 

     >Paul Walker was the sexiest man alive, no joke. I feel so bad for Tyrese, because they were truly bffs.

6. My husband’s cousin “smells like poop.”

   >I will bet someone hacked her account, or, she really needs a shower. 

7. My husband took a walking dead quiz. He got Hershel.

    >Wtf? Where’s Hershel, now?? He gave me the quiz, and he said I got Mishone. Kick ass! I’m one badass bitch, people. Watch out!

8. Speaking of The Walking Dead. A lot of my friends were very excited for it to return.

    > ME TOO!!! 

9. I missed a message for a canceled party. 

     >Good thing it snowed, because I would’ve been out of luck, showing up for a party that was canceled.

10. “Jergens lotion is the awesome!” 

      >I will agree to disagree. I love Eucerine. Is that even spelled right?

11. Selfies.

12. Funny videos.

13. Baby sideburns status updates.

      >Always hilarious!

14. “Monsanto does not want to FEED the world. They want to CONTROL the world’s  food supply. Big Difference!”

    >Amen, sista. Preach on! 

15. Bitstrips.

16. Someone’s favorite move is Austin Powers Goldmember. 

       >Um…. I can think of 10 movies, off the top of my head, that are better than that movie. I am ashamed of you!

17. A friend is without heat, but, she’s okay with it, because she loves to snuggle. 

     >I am so happy you have a snuggle partner, sweetie!! ❤

18. A friend has to hike through the snow.

       >I am guessing she is going to school, because I wouldn’t willingly hike through this shit! It’s freezing. I like to stay warm. Blah! ❤

19. Pictures of pets. Like, a LOT of pictures of pets.

20. “Buddha wasn’t a Buddhist. Jesus wasn’t a Christian. Muhammad wasn’t a Muslim. They were TEACHERS who taught love. Love was their religion.”

     >COEXIST!! I LOVE this!!

They missed a little from me, as well. 

1. Family game night. Our daughter kicked out butts playing Life. She had, like, a million kids!! They were stacked on top of her little car. 

2. I made Reese’s peanut butter cupcakes, then I realized I forgot frosting, so we whipped up a batch, from scratch. They were so sweet, my daughter and I couldn’t even eat a whole cupcake. 

3. Shart. Not me, but, that would’ve been a Facebook update for sure. 

4. My dog was stinking us out, horribly! He was farting, and stinking up the entire living room. It was disgusting. 

5. I think I have a low lactose tolerance, because I got REALLY farty, after drinking milk. 

6. Went to Sprouts indoor farmers market, and bought a TON of organic produce, for a whopping $25!! 

7. I probably would have shared photos, because I took a few. 

8. I would have wished my brother a very happy birthday, in the form of a long, drawn out, AMAAAAAZZZZZING status update, because that’s what I do. BUT, I just sent him a text, instead. ❤ my brother! 

9. I suck at grocery shopping, alone. Like, seriously. My grandmother works at the grocery store, and saved some unsuspecting asswipe from getting run over by my shopping cart. I got walked in front of, about 15 times, and had just sworn to my daughter, that I was going to run the next person over. Don’t you dare step in front of my cart, just to stop! I will HIT YOU!! (probably not really, but, man it sure did feel good to picture it.) About a half second after I made that promise, my Grandmother stepped up, and asked if I was ready. I responded with “Hell yes, I’m ready!” Haha. So, she checked me out, and I went home. 

10. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’M baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! 

Our Children are Artists.

Have you ever sat back, and REALLY looked at you child’s art work?

I don’t mean just looking at it when they say, “Look what I made, Mommy/Daddy.”

I mean, really look. My daughter painted the picture, above. She hates it. She thinks it’s no good.

Me? I love it. It has a very Picasso feel, to it.

Our children add so much detail, to the art work they create. You should cherish the art, as if it is worth millions, because, it is priceless. Irreplaceable.

We love to keep paints and canvas in our home, to allow our daughter the freedom to be creative. We have let her play with paint, for a very long time, now. I believe her first “piece” was a frame she made for her Daddy.

She painted another piece, on an 20 something by something size canvas, that was our main focal point in our living room, for a very long time.

People would ask where we bought it, and who the artist was.

It was always fun to smile and point at our little one, and respond, “She’s pretty amazing.”

Right now, I feel like bad momma, because we haven’t had canvas for quite some time, now. Maybe a trip to Hobby Lobby, soon.

Next time your munchkin comes running up to you, telling you to look at their art, do it. Put your glasses on, and REALLY look. See. You will be amazed at what you find.

Growing Up

You know, if you couldn’t tell, I’m not a professional. Or wait. Am I? Nope. Ok. Now that that’s clear, moving on.

I work nights, so, I sleep during the day. We set stuff out, for our daughter to make herself breakfast and lunch, so I don’t have to cut my sleep back, from my already low amount of 6 hours a day. It started out, pretty bad, when I switched from 5 days a week, mon-fri 7a-3p, over to nights, 3-4 nights a week, 6pm-6am. And I like to do my shifts all in a row, so I can have longer stretches off. Well, when I first switched to nights, my daughter would try to wake me up, at the same times, every weekend. “Mommy, it’s 9:30, are you gonna get up and make me breakfast?”

I would respond, the same thing, every time. “What can you reach? Eat that.”

Well, I started to feel bad, because she wouldn’t eat anything, even though she can make things herself, she wouldn’t. (she’s 9 now and she was 8 when I switched to nights.) So, my husband and I talked about her turdiness, (word of the day, friends. Word if the day.) and what we should do to help her. I have to sleep. People’s lives are in my hands. So, we dump soup in a tupperware bowl, that she can put in the microwave. We make her lunches, and keep them in the fridge. And, we make sure to buy lots of fresh fruits and veggies, so she can have easy (healthy) snacks, while I’m in dreamland. 😉

She finally let’s me sleep, too. She would come in our room, and yell at the dog. (he chews on himself. I’m beginning to think it’s a nervous twitch.) But, she would jump on my bed, come in my room every 30 minutes from 9:30am-12pm, asking me when I was getting up. Now, she says “Hey, mommy. It’s 1 o’clock. I had breakfast, lunch, and 2 snacks. Time to wake up!” Haha!

It is truly amazing, how fast our little ones grow up. I feel like, it was just yesterday, when my little miss was asking for “cheekyboogas” and “fry fries”. Now, she wants steak.

I look through old pictures, and she would put her pull-ups on her head, and run around the apartment, and laugh. Now, she wouldn’t be caught dead, with under-roos on her head.

We would bake cookies, and I would make the frosting from scratch, and make the frosting whatever color she wanted (always pink), and let her frost the cookies. She never wore a shirt. She would stand there, in all her 3 year old glory, wearing only her undies, and frost 4 dozen cookies, like she was the master cookie decorator. Now, she has to wear training bras! GASP! Killmenow!

She would LOVE to pose for pictures. Now, she only let’s me take her picture, when she’s dressed up, and even then, she doesn’t smile. She sticks out her tongue or makes a goofy face. (like her Daddy!) And the worst, she will wiggle, and make every picture blurry.

She used to ask me to paint her finger nails, and toe nails. Not anymore. She does them, herself. She even makes designs on them. Just last week, she did a “French top” on her toes, but, she used a light green, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her it looked like she had a toe fungus.

The things that I am so happy she hasn’t grown out of. She still loves to snuggle. I hope she never grows out of that. That keeps me believing that she’ll be my baby girl forever.

It does worry me, though. She makes it a point, to remind me, once a week, that she is never going to move out of our house. Ha! I keep responding with “Tell me that, in 5 years.”

Hug your babies, tight! They grow up too fast.

❤

Snow! Oh the Fun that can be Had…

I’m not going to lie, and tell you I love snow. I am not going to lie, and tell you that I like playing in the snow with my kid. 

As a matter of fact, I am going to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, about snow.

Snow sucks. 

My child, on the other hand, loves it. Why? I have no clue. 

And WTF is up with snowballs? Who thought it would be fun, to be hit with a freezing cold, ball of ice? Not me! When I see someone bend over, and pick up snow, I start running, like a bomb is about to go off. Why? Because I HATE snow! I hate when it gets on me. That shit is cold, and I don’t like to be wet and cold. F that! 

My child: MOMMY! Come out and play in the snow with me!

Me: NO!! Not going to happen! Here, lets get you in 25 layers of clothes, a snow suit, gloves with gloves over them, 2 hats, and a heating pad. 

My child: What? Mommy! I can’t even MOVE like this!

Me: All the more reason for you to just stay inside. 

Mom Win! 

Actually, I let her play outside, because I have a glass door, and can see her through it. I sit in a camping chair, inside, with a blanket, watching her through the front door. Every now and then, I will get up, open the door, just enough to slide a camera through, and take a picture of her. 

When my husband and my daughter hear that it is supposed to snow a bunch, they get excited, and start talking about building a snowman. When I hear that snow is in the forecast, I start thinking about how much trouble I will be in, if I call off of work. You mean, the hospital WON’T close when there is a ton of snow on the ground? Why not?!

Here are a few reasons I hate snow, besides the fact that it is wet and cold.

1. You have to scrape the ice off of your car, after brushing all the snow off. And, by the time you are finished, you are sopping wet, and frozen. And that just pisses me off. I need a snow vacuum. Do they make those? 

2. Kids think it is funny to throw snowballs, especially at adults. Guess who gets targeted? ME! And, it never fails. It will land on any exposed skin, no matter how tiny the area. The worst place is on the neck. UGH!

3. People drive like maniacs in the snow. I see you have a big ass Jeep, and I see that you are riding my ass. Sorry, I’m not speeding up, because I know how MY little Toyota Corolla slides when I get over 30mph. Oh, and forget stopping at stop signs. My car just slides right through them. It doesn’t matter what kind of tires I have, either. My car is just too light. So, I suggest you take your big ass vehicle, and go the F around me. I’ll wave when I see you in the ditch, up ahead.

4. Not only is snow wet, and cold, that shit is sticky! You can’t get it off of your clothes by brushing it off. Nope. You have to wait for it to melt, then you are wet, and have to wait for it to dry! F that. I’ll stay inside.

5. Sledding! WTF? I didn’t even like to sled when I was a kid. Maybe one time down the hill, and that was it. Once I had to climb back up the hill, dragging my badass sled behind me, I was done. Too much work. And you know, everyone who goes sledding is ALWAYS sniffling the next few days. Who needs that? Gross.

Speaking of sledding, my kiddo wanted to sled today, so I sent her out, to the front yard, and handed her a trash bag. She was having a blast. Then, our AWESOME neighbor (no sarcasm at all! He is super awesome), brought a sled out of his house, and gave it to my daughter, so she could sled in the front yard. Like, for real! She had a blast for about an hour. But, then, she started getting tired, and started begging me to come outside and “push her” on the sled… Uh, no. Time to come inside. hehe

 

So, if you think it is fun to play in the snow, have at it. I will not be joining you. Unless I’m drunk. And I don’t drink, so, good luck with that. 😉

btw, 2 days until Christmas. 

So….

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas. Happy Holllllllidayyys! (sing that like N’sync)

Oops. Haven’t Shopped for my own kid yet.

So. I am pretty sure I make worst mom of the year award. I haven’t even started Christmas shopping for my kid yet. I know what to get her, but, I haven’t gone yet. What if, when I finally do go, everything I have, stored in my brain, is gone? Out of stock? 

Here’s where I make bad mom award. I have shopped for my “secret Santa” person at work. I have shopped for other family. I have shopped for the husband. And, shoot me now, I have shopped for MYSELF!! Gasp!!

I Even had my kid shop for family, with her own money!! 

I keep having nightmares that I get home, Christmas morning, (because I work Christmas Eve, into Christmas morning), and my kid doesn’t have anything under the tree. Glad that’s just a nightmare. Imagine explaining THAT to your kid.

“Well, kiddo, you must have been reeeeeeeeeally bad this year!!” 

When in reality, she is an angel, in comparison with other, normal, children. 

As of right now, all we’ve bought for her is a 36 inch Batman action figure. Totally awesome. But, not exactly what she asked for. She did, but, only once. Not like she has asked for doll beds, or doll kitchen sets. Or doll outfits, or a doll house. Or that stuuuuuuupid $300 car, from American Girl!

And, I’m pretty sure I will be buying stuff for her class party, before getting her anything. 

I guess, if all else fails, I will withdraw $100 from the bank, and wrap it in a big box? $100 to a kid, is like getting a million bucks. 

Bad. 

Mom.

As I say, every year, I AM STARTING MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING IN JANUARY, NEXT YEAR!!

Never happens though. 

Happy shopping, readers!!

And, Merry f’ing Christmas!!